The discipline basics

I always tell people how much better a coach I am after having my own children, because you are forced to coach every day in your own household. There was a great article from All Pro Dad (www.allprodad.com) today about disciplining your own children, which affects coaches as well.

The article references Three Discipline Basics - which are Non-negotiable Discipline, Private Discipline, and Calm Discipline.

Non-negotiable Discipline: setting up consequences for misbehavior in advance, so that those are in place and your team knows what to expect. Then, when disobedience occurs, calmly relay the consequences.

For a team, that might be core disciplines that are essential to the success of a group: timeliness, behavior, following rules.

Private Discipline: Discipline is something that should be handled in private - few respond well when disciplined in public (although there are certainly times when it is merited and necessary). As often as possible, acknowledge the misbehavior right away, and then follow-up with the discipline in a more private place and handle it there. Disciplining in private is really a matter of respect. Even in moments of correction we need to treat our children respectfully.

This is much easier to accomplish when you are dealing with one child, although is something that certainly helps build up the credibility of an individual by dealing with them 1-on-1, opposed to in front of the group. I also think it is important that a relationship is developed with your players where they are treated with respect - sometimes that privacy becomes negated by breaking from core values in front of the entire group.

Calm Discipline: Have you ever heard it said, "I was so angry, I couldn't see straight?" There's some physiological truth to that statement. In his book, How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others and Resolve Conflicts, Dr. Robert Bolton says, "Emotional arousal actually makes us different people than who we are in moments of greater calmness. When we are angry or fearful, our adrenalin flows faster and our strength increases by about 20 percent."

That condition is ideal for escaping danger, but it is not the best frame of mind for calmly disciplining our children. Instead, it's best to wait until the heat of the moment has passed. If you need to, physically remove yourself. Go into the next room if you have to, and calm down. If you can't physically get away, resolve to hold your words until you are calmer. Then, clear your mind and review the consequences available for the current misbehavior. Once you have calmed down, share the consequences.

I definitely feel that when working within the framework of a team, cooler heads always prevail. That doesn't necessarily mean that I am calm and cool all the time (far from it!), but I know that the best decisions I've made have come from putting more thought and less emotion into it; some of my worst decisions I have ever made have been rash and provoked.

http://www.allprodad.com/playbook/viewarticle.php?art=283